2018 has been A Year.
From the chaos of Brexit to the pain of Croatias goal in extra time in the World Cup semi-finals, theres been a whole lot of heartbreak and anger throughout the past 12 months.
And on the charts, its no different – but in the best way possible.
Sure, theres been new music from The Carters, indie gold from Arctic Monkeys, dancefloor fillers from Cardi B and Oscar-bait from Lady Gaga, but if we should take anything away from the music of 2018, its the holy trinity of break-up bangers by three of the best popstars we have.
This year, we received brand new albums from Ariana Grande and Robyn and the long-awaited return of Carly Rae Jepsen, and each woman delivered a tune so perfectly suited to a particular break-up stage that they form the ideal trio to get you through your split.
To paraphrase Ariana – one taught us pain, one taught us masturbation and partying are great, one taught us its time to put the pettiness aside and be a strong independent woman.
In August, Robyn returned with her first solo single in eight years, Missing U, the lead song from her album Honey. The classically Robyn song – mournful and a total bop at the same time, enough to make you sob while on the dancefloor – explores how it feels when someone in your life disappears and leaves you with a gaping hole in your life.
Welcome to stage one, people – grief.
As Robyn sings Theres this empty space you left behind, now youre not here with me/I keep digging through our waste of time, but the pictures incomplete, you are left wondering how she managed to mine all of your thoughts into a song and oh my god shes right, your exs scent on your pillow was the only thing they left you, and yes, I DID turn all my sorrow into glass.
Basically, its Adele, but Adele you can play in the club.
But after the initial heartache, three months later, came Carly.
The queen of bops had left us hanging for three years since Emotions release, so we expected big things from Party For One, and we werent disappointed, as Jeppo ushered us into stage two – the screw you ex, Im great and I dont need you, I just need a bottle of vodka and a Spotify playlist.
(Not the traditional grieving process, well admit.)
Under the sugary sweet beat theres a pang of relatable honesty in the line Im not over you, but Im trying, before Carly flips up a finger to heartbreak with: Party for one, if you dont care about me/Ill just dance for myself, back on my beat.
And as well as a classic break-up anthem, Carly gave us a two for one as she released the lesser-spotted masturbation anthem.
Following on from the majesty that was Hailee Steinfelds Love Myself, Carly gave us an ode to self-love, singing: Ill be the one, if you dont care about me/Making love to myself, back on my beat.
See! You dont need sex if you have yourself!
But this stage didnt last very long, because two days later, we were given a lesson in maturity, moving on and being a total badass with Arianas Thank U, Next.
Poor Aris been through the mill this year, what with her break-up from Mac Miller (who sadly passed away a few months later) and breaking off her engagement to Pete Davidson. So if she can grow from that heartbreak, so can you.
One taught me love, one taught me patience, and one taught me pain/ Now Im so amazing/ Ive loved and Ive lost, but thats not what I see – Ari has had her heart broken, but shes using every experience to better herself. This sort of introspection usually takes years, but the popstar has packaged the mantra we should all be following into one of the years best singles.
More: Ariana Grande
Because after every break-up, what we need to remember is while following the the best way to get over someone is getting under someone else advice is fun, its also a great time to work on your relationship with yourself.
Ariana preached when she sang: I know they say I move on too fast/ But this one gon last/ Cause her name is Ari/ And Im so good with that.
However, she knows theres still room for a dash of pettiness, singing: God forbid something happens, least this song is a smash. BOOM.
So there you have it – the holy trinity of how to cry over, get over and move on from your ex from three of the queens of pop. There is nothing wrong with having a cry to Nothing Compares 2U or End Of The Road, but sometimes you need a helping hand getting through the pain. And like Lemonade of 2016, the years brightest stars have delivered. Thanks 2018 (for something, anyway).
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