By Helen Carroll for the Daily Mail
Published: 17:52 EST, 12 December 2017 | Updated: 18:27 EST, 12 December 2017
Just one out of every 11 mothers is now a stay-at-home mum, according to the latest figures from the Office for National Statistics.
The decline of the traditional housewife and the rise of the working mother has been one of the major societal shifts of the past 50 years.
While in the Sixties, the majority of mothers did not have paid jobs, by 1997, 2.5 million women (13.5 per cent) were full-time mums.
Today, just 1.86 million (nine per cent) of mothers choose not to work outside the home.
Here, we speak to 11 mums, from Ely, Cambridgeshire, who all have children at the same primary school. In a reflection of the national picture, only one of them is not working. So how do they all feel about their roles in society? Helen Carroll investigates . . .
1: I hope I'm a good role model for my children
Karen Thorpe, 44, works four days a week as a communications manager. She lives with husband Andy, 47, a secondary school assistant principal, and children Lily, ten, and Mackenzie, seven. Karen says:
Karen Thorpe, 44, lives with husband Andy, 47, a secondary school assistant principal, and children Lily, ten, and Mackenzie, seven
Occasionally, when I’m having a frantic week in the office, or I have to miss a school event, I think how nice it would be not to work.
But I think it’s important for my children to see their mother pursuing a career and earning money. When I was in my teens, my mother got a job in Waitrose. She wishes she’d worked sooner — back then, women were expected to stay at home with their children.
Having two wages doesn’t give us a lavish lifestyle, it just means we don’t worry about money so much and can enjoy the odd foreign holiday.
The children go to after-school club on the days I work and do lots of activities they enjoy, including Beavers, Brownies, tap dancing, football and theatre club.
2: Working means I feel like 'me' again
Lina Karpiniene, 36, works full-time as a processing administrator at Cambridge University Hospital. She lives with husband Ed, 37, a delivery driver, and children Mia, ten, and Oskar, four. Lina says:
Lina Karpiniene, 36, lives with husband Ed, 37, a delivery driver, and children Mia, ten, and Oskar, four
I used to work part-time at a local supermarket, as I couldn’t fit anything more demanding around having a pre-schooler.
However, when my youngest started school I took on a full-time job at our local hospital. I feel so fulfilled and ‘myself’ again.
There are things I miss, such as taking my children to swimming lessons, but I did it for years, and it’s my husband’s turn now.
Ed and I have always shared the chores. He gets home before me, so he cooks most evenings.
Weekends are taken up with cleaning, shopping and staying on top of things, which I think is the case for most working parents. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.
3: I just hate having to leave my boys
Kate Swan, 41, is pictured with sons Adam, seven, and Oli, five
Kate Swan, 41, works two days a week as a local authority leasehold services contractor. She lives with her husband Craig, 44, a technical engineer, and sons Adam, seven, and Oli, five. Kate says:
I took three years off when my sons were babies — we were told we wouldn’t be able to have children, so I wanted to savour every moment — and went back part-time to my old job two years ago.
It was really hard because, on top of the sadness I felt leaving the boys with a childminder, I also felt far less confident in my workplace. But we needed the extra income.
It’s difficult trying to cram all my work into two days. And I still have a bit of guilt at not being there to pick the boys up from school!
There should be more financial help for parents of pre-schoolers, which would give families the option for one parent to stay at home. Ideally, I’d be at home full-time, but who can afford that luxury these days?
4: I can't afford to be a full-time mum
Lauren Dawson, 33, works four days a week as a pharmacy technician. She lives with husband Simon, 39, an electrical engineer, and children Khloe, six, and Lili, two, and is expecting her third child next spring. Lauren says:
Lauren Dawson, 33, lives with husband Simon, 39, an electrical engineer, and children Khloe, six, and Lili, two
During school holidays, I envy full-time mums. They’re having days out with their kids while mine are with a childminder.
Even two incomes don’t stretch to luxuries. We live in a four-bedroom semi, drive old cars and haven’t been abroad for years.
My mum worked full-time, in admin, so I always imagined I’d work after having children — but I hoped the balance would be more weighted towards time at home.
Everything we do has to fit into my three days off, from swimming lessons to visiting family. We try to do chores when the girls are asleep, but it’s not always possible.
I don’t expect the Government to pay me to stay at home, but if childcare was subsidised I could work three days a week, which would be the perfect balance.
We’ve talked about me working full-time, so we could have a bit more coming in, but I cherish my one day at home with the girls. I wish there were more of them.
5: What would I do if I didn't work?
Linzee Kottman, 38, is a PR consultant who works 30 to 40 hours a week. She lives with husband Tobie, 38, a regional sales director, and their children Ruben, 11, and Naiomi, six. Linzee says:
Linzee Kottman, 38, lives with husband Tobie, 38, a regional sales director, and their children Ruben, 11, and Naiomi, six
My work ethic comes from my parents — they were both great role models. They each retrained when I started secondary school. My dad went from being a welder to a social worker and Mum from selling clothes to being a lecturer.
After they qualified, we moved to a nice area and got a new car. It showed that, with hard work and a good attitude, it’s possible to make a better life for yourself.
A few years ago we moved from a flat to a four-bedroom house. That wouldn’t have been possible without two incomes.
Because of my upbringing, it never occurred to me that I wouldn’t go back to work after taking a year’s maternity leave. And, now they’re at school, if I wasn’t working, what would I do between 9am and 3pm each day?
6: Working is better than housework
Rachel Haynes, 36, is pictured with children Daniel, 11, Levi, nine, Kiera, seven, and Nieve, two
Rachel Haynes, 36, works as a music teacher three days a week. She lives with husband Stephen, 43, a sales manager, and children Daniel, 11, Levi, nine, Kiera, seven, and Nieve, two. Rachel says:
It’s easier meeting all my children’s needs doing part-time hours — I’m always there for pick-ups and drop-offs, which is important to me. I’m not highly paid, but I have a passion for helping children learn to play the piano, and we’re lucky that my husband has a good income.
Stephen and I share the cooking and cleaning between us. He would never come in, like many husbands used to do, and just plonk himself on the sofa for the evening.
We’re a team, and that works well for both of us.
7: It's lonely as the last one standing!
Leyla Newling, 40, was a fund administrator and is now stay-at-home mum to Amelie, 11, Mia, eight, and Eliza, three. Her husband Jay, 43, is an aircraft engineer. Leyla says:
Leyla Newling, 40, is now stay-at-home mum to Amelie, 11, Mia, eight, and Eliza, three
There’s so much to do as a mother — washing, cooking, cleaning, spending time with my daughters — I often wonder how those who also work fit it all in.
I went back to my old job one day a week for a while after my eldest was born, but felt guilty about the time away from her, so when I was made redundant I didn’t look for another position.
Still, I do sometimes envy my friends their careers, instead of spending every day looking after everyone else’s needs as I do. Anyone who imagines full-time mums are swanning off to the gym and for lunch doesn’t know how demanding it is with three kids, one of whom isn’t yet at full-time school.
I think working parents often assume the stay-at-home ones will run things like school committees. I have been having treatment for breast cancer for a year, so I only volunteer occasionally.
When Eliza starts reception class, that will be the first time in 11 years I’ll have whole days at home without any children. I might take on some book-keeping and accountancy work.
My only concern is that I might be lonely — there aren’t many of us stay-at-home mums left!
8: Our grandparents make it all possible
Katie Barry, 36, works four days a week as a health and safety adviser. She lives with husband Paul, 34, a financial adviser, and sons Daniel, six, and Owen, three. Katie says:
I love spending time with my boys, but I also really enjoy the challenge of work.
If I didn’t, we wouldn’t be able to afford the extra pleasures in life, but I do feel guilty sometimes, especially when one of my children is unwell, and I have to leave them with Grandma.
Without the support of my parents and in-laws, I wouldn’t be able to work as much as I do.
My husband is also a very hands-on dad and we share the chores.
I’m not at all surprised to hear the statistics bear out what I’ve long observed among my friends — the vast majority of mothers now work. It’s so very different from a generation ago.
The cost of living is so high that very few families can manage on only one wage.
9: I hate not being there at bedtime
Kelly Parker, 42, is pictured with Olivia, ten, Raffaella, six, and Isabella, two
Kelly Parker, 42, works 20 hours a week as a mental health nurse. She’s married to Mike, 44, a teacher, and they have Olivia, ten, Raffaella, six, and Isabella, two. Kelly says:
I cram 20 hours’ work into two days to save £50 a week in childcare costs. It’s tough not getting home until after the girls have gone to bed, but needs must.
We have spreadsheets to keep track of all our outgoings and, although we have a nice four-bedroom detached house, luxuries, like takeaways, are rare.
Sometimes, when I’m particularly tired I think: ‘What would I give not to have to go to work?’ But I’m pretty sure I’d go a bit mad if I was at home all the time.
I’m probably one of the lucky ones because I get a balance between home and work.
10: I’d miss the adult company at home
Claire Mooney, 41, works full-time as a district catering assistant in primary schools. She lives with husband Derek, 42, a survey technician, and daughter Leni, six. Claire says:
Claire Mooney, 41, lives with husband Derek, 42, a survey technician, and daughter Leni, six
I went back to work when Leni was ten months old and felt terribly guilty. I was able to leave her with my mother-in-law and my sister, but I would have taken longer off if I’d had a better maternity package.
But, once Leni started school, I was glad I’d kept my job going.
I only work during term time and school hours, so I get to see my daughter as much as if I was a stay-at-home mother.
At home I do the shopping, cook all of our meals, plus the cleaning, because I don’t work as many hours as my husband.
The majority of mums I know have jobs, which is a change from our mothers’ generation. My mum didn’t go back to work until I was about ten.
11: I’m torn between two worlds
Amanda Slater, 43, is pictured with Poppy, 11, Jessie, six, and Max, three
Amanda Slater, 43, works three days a week as a learning and development trainer. She lives with Simon, 44, a sales executive, and their children Poppy, 11, Jessie, six, and Max, three. Amanda says:
With three children, it’s a juggle keeping on top of everything at home, plus working. But I enjoy the dimension to my life that my job provides. I’m not just a mum — I have skills that are valued.
However, I often feel torn between being the best mum I can and earning money, as we do need both incomes. It’s something I know a lot of other mums feel too.
My mum worked part-time and was always at home after school, which is maybe why it’s important to me to be around as much as possible for mine.
I do sometimes envy stay-at-home mums and wonder if they have it easier, but I’ll never know.
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